February 27, 2005

It's love, make it hurt.

Ohhhh poop.

I need sleep and an eye de-sweller...

God, when will the fighting stop?

February 25, 2005

Heafalumps and Woozles!

You eyes cupped to hold mine perfectly
Whisper a word, I fall into them
I fall into you
Run your lips around the rim of my heart
Taste of the wine that is yours
A thousand tears went into this
But none of them matter
A thousand hopes poured at your feet
And all of them matter
Entwining hands you grip my soul
Between your gentle fingers,
Grasp all that I am, it's yours
It's all for you.

Your lips curved and smiling
Draw me into your space
Your shelter
Nothing matters
Except for this
Everything matters
Because of this
Some things cannot be explained
With you, I have to explain nothing.
Love is the bane of us all,
For in it's grip I found and lost bliss
And in it's hold I hope for you

Your arms are soft enough
To hold our children
And strong enough
To weather my storms
Run your fingers down my neck
Watch me collapse, to be with you
Just to be with you
Our love is a classroom, a dungeon, is wings
Just hold on my darling
Hold onto my love...
Our love...
Good morning.

Wow...that was trippy! I am having sucha good day...

"And that was the fifth time I got crabs" - Eureka

"Yeah, a herd of skaters walked by me, and it was like a huge cloud of bad energy."

"Why do they make words pertaining to sex sound so funny? Come on, Syphalus is just fun to say!"

February 24, 2005

Some guy named leeland..

10 stupid things

1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/friends...
Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?
Answer:- Don't u know, I sell tickets in black over here.. ??
2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps onyour feet...
Stupid Question:- Sorry, did that hurt?
Answer:- No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.....why don't you try again.?
3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask..
Stupid Question:- Why, why him, of all people?
Answer:- Why? Would it rather have been you?
4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter ..
Stupid Question:- Is the "Butter Paneer Masala" good??
Answer:- No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occasionally also spit in it.
5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years
Stupid Question:- You've become so big!
Answer:- Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.
6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask...
Stupid Question:- Is the guy you're marrying good?
Answer:- No, he's a miserable wife- beating ,insensitive lout...it's just the money.
7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...
Stupid Question:- Sorry.. were you sleeping?
Answer:- No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping.... you dumb witted moron.
8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...
Stupid Question:- Hey have you had a haircut?
Answer:- No, its autumn and I'm shedding......
9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth...
Stupid Question:- Tell me if it hurts?
Answer:- No it wont. It will just bleed.
10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman in your office asks...
Stupid Question:- Oh, so you smoke.?
Answer:- Gosh, it's a miracle ............it was a piece of chalk and now it's in flames!!!

Complete rockage!!!

February 23, 2005

Holy warsaw...


I want to send an extra big hug to Emms, because she is going through a faze called "life sucks." Notice the period. As in, it so will never get better. But babe, I promise, it does get better...teenage guys just suck...most of them anyways.

Today for me was great! I now have a matress on my floor to sleep on, am working on another letter to Tim, and I am just generally content and very happy, because I am secure in the fact that we love each other and even though we have some healing to do, we will be alright, cuz this is the guy I want to be with forever. And I mean that.

Me and my mom are getting along alot better, my relationships with my friends are all in good working condition, and God feels really close...closer than ever.

Life is just a wonderful place to be!

February 21, 2005

Taste defeat then brush your teeth

We all struggle with foreward motion...

This is the best life.

The best love.

The best fight.

I want nothing more than this.

February 18, 2005

The world is my tangelo :)

Ahhhh, it's Friday!!!

I am in the best modo mood ever! And for no good reason, other than the fact that I am letting go and trusting my darling. God, I love him. So very very much.

The only one I want to be with
The only one I want to know
If you ever just don't want me
Then can I be your shadow?
I'm giving you all
The absolute best
I'm giving it all
So let your mind rest
I'm yours

February 17, 2005

God, thats a really big orange.

Today was alot better.

I watched Bowling for Columbine today and it scared me and disgusted me and it made me really ashamed to be an American. And I just wanted to run into Tim's arms and feel that everything was gonna be alright, that there's still a chance that good will prevail over such reckless evil. I love him. I wish I had never doubted him, but I did, and I wish I had never pulled away from him, but I did, and I just need to remember to have faith in our love.

It's the only thing worth looking for, lying for, living and dying for. It's the greatest thing I've got, and it's all I want. Reassuredly, when it comes down to it, it's all I want.

February 16, 2005

Captain commando!

Its forever on a stick!

I could go all night...

I got my permit...

I guess that means the world is my tangelo.

Yes, Anna, profuse cursing helps me in my everyday therapy, alright? Haha, j/k, you know I love you gurl.

I'm not sure how I feel today...Im terrified, and I'm so happy and reluctant, and I'm swept away and just barely hanging on. You know what I am referring to, I know you do.

Today was dreamy, romantic and perfect...
I hate it so good.

I'm still the most confused person ever, he's playing the same tricks twice, while others prove that their love stays real. Is nothing ever sacred?

Green, Blue
Come on!
Come on now!
We need to go
We have to leave!
You look so high
Mind in the sky
Lover don't touch those leaves

Black, white
Fight hard
Fight with me!
We need to stand
We have to scream!
I feel so sick
I want to go now
Strive hard to grasp the eaves

February 15, 2005

Oh fuck it all #2

Nothing still today.

What the hell?!?!?!?

Is it just me or is this a repeat performance? I am offering to give up my music (MY LIFE!!!) for ten months and he can't even keep...writing...fucking...letters...FOR FUCKING VALENTINES DAY!!!!! Which, I might add, was our first kiss AND anniversary on top of it being V-day.

This sucks.
No, this BLOWS!!!!

I am in such an awful mood right now it's not even funny.

I'll leave you with this...

Shit shit shit shitty shit shit

February 14, 2005

Oh, fuck it all.

So, to bring you up to date on the abnormally bad time that happens to be my life...

My parents found out that I had been "communicating" with Tim (nope, didn't call him once, didn't talk to him face to face, didn't do any of that shit, just talked to my friends about him.) And they added ten months onto my "you're not allowed to date until..." sentence. Ten months. So yeah, I was pretty fucked up today, all it was was hysterical laughter that was on the verge of insane crying and other than that just straight up crying, so I did the most awful thing...I offered to give up my music (they take my cd's, stereo, radio, ipod, cd player all that) for ten months if they wouldn't add any time. They're thinking about it, and you guys have to understand...music is my life. Its the only thing thats kept me from the edge sometimes, that and my best friend Pippin. So thats alot and like I said I was in a really bad way today but I thought that if I could just get home there would probably be something from Tim waiting for me and I could feel better, I mean, hell it's V-day right?

No. Nothing. And I am just kinda in a state of shock and am hovering between just flat out bawling right now or punching a hole through the wall (which I have done before). I need to get away and spend some time with Pippin or Abby (who just got proposed to, which was one of two bright spots on my day, the other being that Pippin is such a sweetheart and can always make me feel better even thugh the person I profess to love the most has been the cause of me feeling like a load of shit today.) God, why do I even bother? This happened last time. And I'll probably regret this tomorrow when I do get something. Or maybe I won't. I probably won't.

I curse more on Valentines Day than I do any other day of the year.

February 11, 2005

Stay quiet, stay near...

Agh, I'm happy again.

Had a huge falling out with my mom today but its all alright now and I think we're making some progress on the untouchable subject. That means more to me than anything.

I can't write today, I'm too full of it all.

February 09, 2005

And then that went kaplooey

The tacos burned.

February 08, 2005

God, Stuart, WHY did you ruin the macaroni?

Tacos for supper.

And thats about the only good thing today.

I found out yesterday that Tim is apparently ashamed of me...or something equally disturbing. He went onto my friend's xanga site and told her to tell me that he loves me, then he sends her an email 20 minutes later telling her to take it off becasue his ex girlfriend might read it. This brings several things to light...

1. He probably still likes her alot.
2. He could be doing something behind my back, and considering that he talked to me behind her back then I'd say thats a fair assumption.
3. I've screwed up really bad becasue a few nights ago I gave him back my heart. Again.

Then we come to the fact that my best friend in the whole world is pulling away from me because of Tim. How does life become so confusing?

So I was depressed for half a day thinking about Tim and the NBF (my name for his ex) and being really scared and upset and depressed and then at lunch I got a handle on it, or I looked at the whole thing in a way that I could deal with without getting sick. I still had trouble eating, It still sucks beyond belief. And I miss Pippin beyond reason.

I've got a bad feeling about this
You kept still until the long drive home
You slept safe and close by the window
Please don't say I have to go!
I could go all night.
To hell with you and all your friends

Quit fucking with my head.

February 07, 2005

dubya tee eff!

Only one phrase can describe this day...

What the Fuck?

I am apparently a Democrat (that one threw Mr Thomas for a loop), I have to wait another week to hear from Tim, I miss him awfully and can't reach Emmy on the phone, my moms breathing down my neck again for no good reason other than she just likes to, I haven't heard from Pippin in forever and that just sucks, and I am now sitting at home making a bitch list on my live journal so everyone can see how petty and shallow I am. Not to mention sadistic. Ugh.

Anyways, heres something new.

Do you see her
Through that window?
She's crying for that boy
I think her heart is breaking
Or maybe it's just bursting
Do you see that girl?

Do you know
All she wants?
Cuz all she wants is him
I've never seen her so torn
Or maybe she's just happy.
Do you know that girl?

Do you hear
Those tears she's crying?
She saw his eyes again
I think she's collapsing
No, I'm pretty sure it's love
Do you hear this girl?

Do you see her
Through the trees?
Do you hear her
As she prays?
Do you love
this lonely girl?

I said do you love this girl?
Cuz all she loves is you.

February 05, 2005

spin it right off its axis

"Best Of Me"
tell me what you thought aboutwhen you were gone and
so alone
the worst is over
you can have the best of me
we got older but we're still young
we never grew out of this feeling that we wont give up
here we lay again
on two separate beds
riding phone lines
to meet a familiar voice
and pictures drawn from memory
we reflect on miscommunication
and misunderstandings
and missing each other too
much to have had to let go
we turn our music downand we whisper
say what your thinking right now

tell me what you thought about
when you were gone and so alone
the worst is over
you can have the best of me
we got older but we're still young
we never grew out of this feeling that we wont give up

jumping to conclusions
made me fall away from you
i'm so glad that the truth
has brought back together me and you

we're sitting on the ground
and we whisper
say what your thinking outloud
tell me what you thought about
when you were gone and so alone
the worst is over
you can have the best of me
we got older but we're still young
we never grew out of this feeling that we wont give up

we turn our music down
and we whisper
we're sitting on the ground
and we whisper
we turn our music down
we're sitting on the ground
and next time i'm in town
we will kiss girl
we will kiss girl!

tell me what you thought about
when you were gone and so alone
the worst is over
you can have the best of me
we got older but we're still young

we never grew out of this feeling that we wont
feeling that we cant
we're not ready to give up!!!!!

we got older but we're still young
we never grew out of this feeling that we wont give up

February 03, 2005

Fornicators beware!

Haha, I had an amazing day!

This is Ulysses, he likes his plastic bumper!

And I love dove my Pippers!

Haha, I have the greatest friends ever. And my life is just amazing. All because of Tim.
I love this boy.

February 01, 2005

we all go cry!

We all fall
Down on the inside
Pretty on the outside
Turn it around
Let us turn it around

I've been feeling the pinch today, I want Tim so bad, but he isn't here. It's like I'm drowning slowly and the only thing that keeps me going is the memory that someone somewhere told me that I will have some air again, I just have to wait for it. So hard to stand but completely worth it. God I hate apathy.