September 24, 2005

At 11:35 tonight!

New and fun joking devices!

M: I come vrom spleeden! Zat place above your spleen zat pops out a person every three years!

A: You can taste the murder!

M: I LIKE NEAMS!

M: Liiiick it! Liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiick it!! Or it will return even at midnight and you will kill to have it go away!

A: Countrify it!! It sounds better!!!

A: I just pulled out a fork.

M:Its Green!
A: Its Blue!
M:Its Green!!
A:Its Blue!!! *waves about spastically in the air*
M:Oh...its is Blue

M:You capitalized Blue and Green?
A:YES!!! They are important words!

M: I will hit you so hard it will force your mouth out through your butt!!!!

new words: spewtastic (L!)


ADAVADADVADAVADAVADAVAVAVADADADA!!!!(incomprehensible shouting? talking? idiocy?)

YE! *SPEW*

September 22, 2005

Take me to FUNKY TOOOOWN!!

My friends are killin me they claim to be playing
That you're a killer queen is what they've been sayin
Listen up now beautiful I'm givin you a warning
Cigarette hands freezing but y0ur pocket hand is warm
And so you switch em on up
Switch em on up
(yeah, switch em on up
Switch em on up)
I think you love me like the company soul


Well you may be king for the moment
But I am a queen, understand?
And I've got your pawns and your bishops and castles all inside the palm of my hand.

I wrote that last piece of song (by Poe, awesome singer) on my English test today. The great thing was Z man laughed and maybe even gave me extra credit for it, since I tied it in with what I wrote. I swear, I love gay guys. There's nothing sexual about their flirting. It's nice not to worry about that. I had a really good day :) Even though my letter is late once again :(
I don't know what to do about it though, because we've talked about it before so what do you say? I'm starting to feel alone again.

It's a tough feeling.

I'm gonna be a HRADCORE GRANDMA!!!

Buddah!
Zeus!
Jesus Christ!
Pedestrian!
PEDESTRIAN!!

September 19, 2005

If you love him let him know...this war is cold

Well, I'm feeling much better now.

Okay, can I just say that that mango mandarin stuff smells AWESOME and kinda makes me want to do a frisky dance? Hahaha. I feel more alive than at the beginning of today.

Man, all this death. You can feel the bad energy in the halls of our school. I want to just take everyone who's hurting into my arms and love them, but there's too many for my arms to fit around. It's awful.

And I'm closing the door on these relationships that are bad. No one is going to ever progress past friendship besides Tim, becuase I'm not going to let them. I made that mistake once, I'll never do it again.

Never.

September 18, 2005

For Luke (And what she left behind)

What, my friend
Of a life so empty
To pick up and play
With the pieces of glass
That were thrown from the car
Of the father that left you
Crying in dust
And why is it mine
That you needed to want?
To makeup and beauty
Is not how you put it
What drives you is
What gives us all
The bravery of life
Twisting it's face
So you know the direction
In it's opposite form
Oh child that was innocent
Return to your home
Do it for us
Our love is too weak
To do it for you


Try not to burn him
He's ashes already.




Remind me that when I'm a mom I'm gonna bring my kids stuff in from the car for them.

September 17, 2005

Hi there stamper.

Took a drive up to Shatley Springs today, it was just what I needed. Got to hang out with Hope and Kelly, who I've never really been around before but they were very cool and I relaxed alot around them. I couldn't have done that with my normal crowd, just because kids my age have certain underlying expectations and today I didn't want to live up to them. So I got to be immature and buy a ton of candy and explore and laugh and tell weird stories and just have alot of fun!

The sky coming home was beautiful and it made me think of Tim and how in four months (exactly!) we'll be together and all this stuff that seems so hard will just melt away. No that I think he's a quick fix, he's far far from that, but he does hold alot of power...he has my absolute love.

September 16, 2005

Get naked while you still can

Today sucked.

Really bad. Our sub in sewing sent my day in a huge downhill spiral on top of Phillup being a jerk and me being a jerk right back, which really sucked, and I feel like a horrible person and all I want to do is go back to when I thought MCR had some fiber to their music and I could still trust my lover.

And that makes me feel bad too.

When it comes down to it, grades contribute nothing to spiritual happiness.

September 14, 2005

Weighed down by a lemon

1-3-2-4~

ALL I WANT TO HEAR IS SOME HARD ROCK AND ALL I GET IS CRAP!!!!

Ah buddy. Life in a nutshell...I think Robby passed on his sore rib syndrome to me today. Oh boyo.

I am using lots of words for guys today. And I have a mountain of homework that I really don't feel like doing. So I won't.

I want to lose my religion.

Do you think God doesn't like long hair?
No I'm not being serious. I just feel like a barf. A lollipop barf. A good barf. Like I'm all over the place and I'm happy that way.

Quait, that's waaay too serious.

IFIHADAFERRETMYLIFEWOULDBECOMPLETEANDALLMYNASTY
SOCKSWOULDBEEATEN!

And thats why I'm good today.

September 12, 2005

ATOMIC MOTHER OF DRAGONS!!!!

TODAY WAS PISS AWFUL!!!!!


For no apparent reason. Except that one reason. Oh well.

I really hate...


stuff.

September 11, 2005

Modo modo modo modo whoop (people with ulterior motives suck)

Okay, so I have come to this realization.

People are going to do to me what they will. I cannot control it, I can't avoid it unless I want to just die or shut myself off from the rest of the world (not gonna happen). So, I do what I was doing all along...I love them like there's nothing going on. If J wants to speak to me again, then thats fine, let him talk to me, I won't ignore him. But I won't trust him again so easily, not that that will matter to him anyways.

I can't, no, I won't live my life as dictated to me by his actions or anyone else's. I have to live in a way that makes me happy, because I don't answer to anyone except God. And I'm discovering that the way he tells me to live is the way that makes me happier anyways.

So, good thoughts for today:
Tim is the sweetest guy in the whole entire universe and I love him.
It's AUTUMN and beautiful outside and the air smells good!
The word piss exists.
Jenny is an amazing storyteller.
Jim is the coolest drunk ever.
Anna's coming up this weekend!!!


And lyrics for today:
It’s how the hustle goes, see what the jukebox knows.
Put my last quarter on, I play "Authority Song".
Honesty or mystery?
Tell me I’m not scared anymore.
I got no secret purpose, I don’t seem obvious do I?
I don’t seem obvious do I?
The DJ never has it, J A M C Automatic.
If those were Roy's headphones, you bet he'd play "What Goes On".
Honesty or mystery?
Tell me I’m not scared anymore.
I got no secret purpose, I don’t seem obvious do I?
I don’t seem obvious do I?
Oh I'm here, that means something doesn't it?
Oh won’t you dance with me a little bit?
Oh you don’t notice, I guess the music’s too loud.
It’s how the hustle goes, see what the jukebox knows.
Put my last quarter on, I play "Authority Song".
Honesty or mystery?
Tell me I’m not scared anymore.
Say anything you want already
I’m not scared anymore.
Honesty or mystery?
Want something else?
Just tell me I’m not scared anymore.
I got no secret purpose, I don’t seem obvious do I?
I don’t seem obvious do I?
- Authority Song, Jimmy Eat World

And coolest thing I heard all day:
- And suddenly, oil poured everywhere *ahhh! glub glub glub* And everybody got acne and it was gross *I'm so sad* and they all wore glasses and were dorks for the rest of their lives.

IT'S A GOOD LIFE!

September 08, 2005

I SAY BALAKLAVA!!!

Okay, so, for all two of you that have been I just know DYING for a long post here it is...

Yesterday night was one of the worst I've ever had. J hasn't been talking to me for a week, and I was getting really upset so last night I cornered him and made him talk to me. He said that now he wasn't allowed to talk to me because his girlfriend saw us talking at the football game and got mad. And then the conversation went something like this...

J: I want to explain this...
Me: Why don't you?
J: Because I can't...I can't tell you everything right now.
M: Why?
J: I just can't..trust me, you'll understand all of it one day.
M: J, I don't like it when my so called friends decide it's okay to ignore me for extended periods of time when I've been there for them.
J: You know what, that's your problem!
M: What, J, what's my problem?!?!? Tell me, please, I'd love to hear you tell me all my problems.
J: Look, I'm just asking for you to wait.
M: I'd be lying to you if I didn't say that I'm feeling really used by you, for reasons I won't tell you now, but since I do love you like a brother I'll do what you ask and wait.
J: You have reasons you won't tell me now?!?!?
M: J, you've fed that line to me so many times I'd think you could take it at least once.

Then I left. I was sooo angry, and he was making fun of me the whole time and I just wanted to hit him sooo badly. Then I went to talk to my youth pastor, who had told me right before all of this that J hasn't been being the friend to me that I think he is. We sat down and talked for about forty minutes about everything, and apparently J had been telling his girlfriend taht I have been coming onto him and pursuing him for more than friendship, which is such a total load of shit that I want to strangle him. Everyone who knows me knows that if the guy isn't Tim, my head isn't turning. I have never looked at J as anything more than a friend. A friend I thought I could trust. But he's been manipulating me and trying to put a wedge in between me and his girlfriend so that he could have her time and I wouldn't be able to compare notes with her and figure out that he's been playing both of us to his own advantage. I waws in tears for most of last night, just because I can't believe that my friend who I trusted and loved has betrayed me in such a huge way.

Then today hit. I was late, I couldn't hold onto anything, I had two tests which sucked, I haven't written anything because right now if I put my pen to paper I don't know if anything would come out right, and I got so annoyed with the drama people this afternoon with their stupid little non existent problems that I just called my mom and left. We went out and ate some Mexican then took a trp to the music store, which was really nice, and I bought 50$ worth of cd's, and now today doesn't feel quite so useless.

I just wish Tim were here to hold me and protect me from all this shit.

I honestly never want to talk to J again. I think if I saw him I might punch him.
Sick Bastard.

September 06, 2005

God is an asexual chicken

"Blood On Our Hands"

I'm leaving while you turn away
In the basement that's where I'm gonna stay
There is blood in all the things I say
Will you hate me if I stay this way
From the bedroom where we're running from
There's a sequel to the things I've done
You're a woman we both know it's true
But the things that I've done to you
There is blood on the shoes you wore
from the paper you were stepping on
There is blood in all the things you say
I won't hate you if you go away
There is blood on our hands again
From the bedroom is where we will
bring it back to the start again
bring it back to the road again
There is blood on our hands again
From the bedroom is where will
Bring it back to the road again
Bring it back to...

From the bedroom where we're running from
There's a sequel to the things I've done
You're a woman we both know it's true
But the things that I've done to you
There is blood on our hands again
From the bedroom is where we will
bring it back to the start again
bring it back to the road again
There is blood on our hands again

From the bedroom is where will
Bring it back to the road again
Bring it back to...

I FREAKING LOVE DEATH FROM ABOVE!!!!

I had an exceptionally good day today. I think I had about 500 people thinking I was a mental case, but hey, what's life?

Beautiful.

So, i could talk about how television is corrupting the nation, or why the President sucks, or all the reasons why we are heading towards our own destruction, but you know...I'm fricking done with serious crap for now.


There's waaaay too much out there.

September 04, 2005

Father be forgiving

So, apparently little kids flock to me and I'm supposed to be a good role model.

Yeah, right.

If they hang out with me too much they'll take to saying "piss" every three seconds in every form of the word that ever was, including "pissful", "piss-ant" and "pisswad".

God I'm so cool.

September 03, 2005

Get stoned

Skittles bubblegum blows the best bubbles.
North Carolina has the best weather.
And sometimes leash trained doesn't mean that they'll stay on it.

So, my grandparents bought me some new shoes and glasses, they're really cool but I would have much rather been with Anna this weekend. Outside. Riding rides. Making fun of Ben in the pool. Ah well. Can't win em all.

"I'm kinda suprised those kids aren't smoking kudzu"

Wow. The things you'll hear at my house. And you guys thought I was weird.

I hate it when my letters are late :(