October 23, 2005


After what has been one of the worst weekends in my life, I finally had a good day.

I woke up this morning and it was the most perfect day you could imagine. The sun was shining like it might be it's last chance, the sky was a flawless blue, the air was slightly cold and embracing, ohhh...it was the perfect day. I called my lover early this morning to wake him up with a happy birthday and an I love you. He was, to say the least, very happy :) I told him I was going to call him back this afternoon so we could talk for awhile. Then I went to church, and everything that was being said really got to me...so I got some things straight and now I feel completely lovely and at peace. Then I came home and called Tim, and it was an hour of complete bliss. I love that boy with my whole being...I don't think anyone outside of me, him and God understand just how much we love each other. Then I went to practice, and afterwards Tina picked me up and we got some free coffee from the really nice guy at River Blues and started over to town to find a place to lounge. I wanted chocolate though, so we took a detour to CVS to get some and we ended up just wandering around CVS for about an hour looking at stuff. She bought me some white eyeliner, and I never wear makeup, but this stuff just looks so neat!!! And she brought me home and we prayed, and now I'm sitting here with my cream soda and pizza, and I feel alot more whole than I have in months.

These days just keep getting better.

October 19, 2005

Kudos for SUCKING UP!

I am missing a part of my finger.

It hurts like a birthing.


And thats why this week is the MOST AWESOME ever!

October 14, 2005

The highs and lows of suburban living

So, today, there were two things that made me fall in the floor from breathless laughter...and one that made me cry hysterically for an hour.

Good new first, right?

Missy is amazing. She was walking down the hall towards Caitlin and I before fourth and she was behind our apparel teacher. When our teacher moved, we saw Missy miming grabbing a handful of Mrs. Wall booty. I immediately hit the deck and couldn't breathe for five minutes!

Then we were all lounging in the hallway waiting for class to end when this HUGE dude walked by. Sara (being her) stood in front of him every time he tried to pass and we made friends. Then, when he came back, she party boyed on him, and I turned around just in time to see this 6'4" guy standing there looking like a martyr while Sara (who came up to his elbow) fake humped him. I thought I was going to cough out my lungs. And what made it even better is how when he went back into his classroom I heard him say "hey dude, I just got humped by this crazy chick out in the hall."

It was foking hilarious.

(and by the way, I'm not afraid to say fucking, but foking is just more fun...)

And the hysterics...

I won't go in to that.

October 12, 2005

I felt two hands on my back and then I was in a desk, stopped in the middle of the word "written"



Sinuses, oh joy.

So, I'm home today missing out on the PisSAT (Oh darn...) and sneezing. Alot. I feel bad for the tissues.

But it feels like Christmas. Like I'm on Christmas break and it's going to snow soon and then we'll make snow cream and angels and I'll call Laura and we'll go sledding, getting so cold our limbs are numb but we don't really care, because SNOW IS GLORIOUS!! Then Christmas morning, when I open up my stocking (my favorite FAVORITE part of Christmas) and get to dig all the way to the bottom, where all these neat little treasures will be waiting and I'll feel like nothing could be more heavenly. I love Christmas. The smells, the weather, the people. The meaning most of all.

It's a perfect day to be sick. There are clouds outside and everything is bathed in a grey light, but it's not really depressing, it's almost like nature is agreeing with my descision to stay in. And as I write, Tim is signed in on AIM, and that gives me comfort for some odd obscure reason.

I have to quit falling asleep in Mr. McCloy's class, I love him as a teacher but it's the perfect environment for sleeping, and I always have to start spazzing in order to wake up enough to stay that way. It's very frusterating, especially when I start dreaming in the middle of writing words, then I forget what was I was writing, I honestly have no idea what went on in class yesterday...

and I feel bad about that.

Feel...like your soul is held on a swing and it's being rocked by someone you trust completely in the falling leaves that tickle your eyelids as they land and nothing could disturb your peace as you swing here by the river with the one you love the most.

October 08, 2005

I need a C section (to go or what?)

These last three nights, starting from about 11:26 Wednesday until 12 last night, have been some of the best of my life. Things with Tim seem like they did in the beginnning, nothing but pure (really pure) love and happiness (can I just say I've never felt this way in my life about anyone but him?) and I got to talk to him Wednesday, so of course my next few days have been about loving people and trying to make them as happy as he makes me (which isn't really possible but I can hope). Then of course the obvious, IT'S THE WEEKEND!!! TAKE THAT, MY HORROR OF A SCHOOL!!! YOU CANNOT ENSLAVE ME FOR TWO WHOLE DAYS!!! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!! Alright. Then last night Abby Leah Cassy Jim and I went to Flight Plan (hahaha...no comment) and had some fun, and when the woman in front of us started being mean I didn't get angry as usual, and it was a really nice feeling. Leah left and the rest of us walked through the pouring rain (seriously, we were drenched to the...skin? bone wouldn't sound right) and showed up at parkside, where we sat around laughing and writing notes to our waiter and having fun. I would be hard pressed to find three more people with whom I could just sit around and relax with, I never have to worry about what I say to them, anything goes and it's so joined! My life is just beautiful.

Fly to El Salvador
Don't know where
And I don't know what for
Just want
A picture for myself.

October 03, 2005

Thou shalt have no other gods held up before my face

I am sooo pissed right now.

Today started off so beautifully too!! The snobby jerk stupid head kids in art got yelled at and it gave me this weird mix of satisfaction/pity that carried me to second period, where Ben Robby and Seth soon had me laughing hysterically and Erica Leah and I had a fufu fight with our traditional African bread (which strangely looked and tasted like mashed potatoes). Donovan took a whole cake of it and decked me in the hallway, so I retaliated (of course) and it flew past him, past Z man and splattered on the wall! Z didn't notice, he didn't even see it until Leah looks straight at it and goes "Oh my God..." I could have decked her at that moment, becasue she got us caught but Z man was cool and forgot about it. In the end my total battle scars were one glob to the ear, one to the eye and several disgruntled classmates. I got to meet Ben's lover today too!!! She seems really nice, I am so happy for him, I like all my guys to have girlfriends and such.

And I got cheesecake!! Z man gave me two huge pieces and I LOVE CHEESECAKE!!!!

Then play practice (gross) and I get home and STILL NO EFFING LETTER!!! The last one came on the 23rd...ten days.

Fortunately, I do trust my lover.

Oh!! And today was the MEMO day. I sent out an email to a couple of my friends to see if they'd actually do it, they ahd to prnt out this little badge thing that said "Kiss it man, Cuz I GOT THE MEMO!" and when anyone asked about it, they had to tell them that love is the answer to all the world's problems.

Yoga is very soothing. So is being vegan. You don't feel sick anymore.

So I'm praying for a letter tomorrow, I miss him so. Just knowing he's out there makes these weeks bearable though.

October 02, 2005

Staring straight at the world

I sit and stare
Straight at the world
With shoulders bared
And arms outstretched
And someone calls my name
But I can't hear
Because I'm so caught up in
All this love
That I straightened out
In the world
And now nobody matters

I've been obsessed with making lists lately (thanks Tim :p) ever since I had to make that one for Tim so now I'm making lists about:
Who my real friends are
What is right and wrong
What I need to fix about myself

and its all a big crazy mess. Which is how I like things.

I think I've burned my tounge.